Screenplay

Act I

Voice-over: uggggh, student council elections are always the worst. What is even the purpose? Just to make teenagers feel bad that we don’t have fully developed leadership skills? Just to make us suddenly start worrying about popularity, the way adults think we do all the time? 

[shot of poorly-made posters on the walls]

But, whatever it is, it works. Like, everyone wants to prove they can do it, I guess.

[Shows Catalina pausing in front of a sign that says “ROBERT FOR PRESIDENT.”]

When I saw Robert was running, I had to run against him. It was a biological and intuitive urge. The thought of being required to debate each other, as if it wasn’t we did anyway, was beyond thrilling. It was the climax of my girlhood. 

[walks into assembly]

PRINCIPAL:

As we probably all know, today is the last day to run for student council. Has anyone else decided to run?

[catalina jumps up]

Catalina:

Me! I would like to run for President!

PrINCIPAL:

Oh…alright. That’s a pretty surprising one, but I don’t see any problem with it. Let’s Applaud for Catalina grey!

[students walk out of the assembly room. A guy snickers.{

GiY

Catalina? What made you want to be student president all of a sudden?

CAtalina

Why not? Can’t I want to have a day in my own school?

GUY

It just doesn’t really seem like your thing. I thought you were busy like working for the actual government or something.

OTHER GUY

Dude, obviously it’s because that guy Robert’s running. They totally hate each other for some reason. She just wants to beat him.

Catalina:

[blushes slightly]

Yeah. Yeah. If that’s what you want to think, I’ll let you.

[walks into class]

Voice-over:

I didn’t hate Robert. Sometimes I hated things he said, but for the most part I was absolutely enchanted by him. And I think he felt the same way about me, But for some reason we never knew the right thing to say to each other. It was, like, playing telephone with teenage hormones or something. 

[robert states at her]

ROBERT:

So, Catalina, you really took it that far? Running for student president just to bet me?

CATALINA:

Wow, you really think everything’s about you, don’t you?

RIBERT:

Well, I guess you won’t be that hard to debate, since it’s what we do anyway. 

CATALINA:

…I can’t debate you on that.

Voice-over: 

The first half of high school, we were pretty good friends. He was a total weirdo. I thought I was the only person who would like him. But, for some reason when junior year started, we started arguing all the time, and he got…the way he is now.

[she glances at a whole crowd of girls sitting near him, twirling their hair and giggling.]

I never really figured out what changed. I always had to wonder: what did I do wrong? Did I, like, fail to help him with his mental health issues or something? What does he like girls he hardly knows more than me?

BLoNdE GIRL:

Catalina… I don’t mean any disrespect, but you know it’s going to be hard to beat, Robert, right? I mean, every girl would vote for him, and I’m not sure every boy would vote for you….

CATALINA:

So? Running doesn’t mean I have to win, does it? 

BLONDE GIRL:

Why would you run, and then let him beat you? Do you like him or something?

CATALINE:

Who I like is 100% none of your business. 

[suddenly she makes panicked eyes with her best friend kailee] 

[pulls out phone and texts kailee: OH GOD I ACTUALLY HAVE TO WIN WHAT WAS I THINKING

[kailee responds: why???]

[Catalina responds: because if I let him win, then he’ll know I like him and then he’ll probably move to the North Pole or something and I’ll be miserable]

[kailee responds: ohhh that’s a valid point]

Kailee: hey! At least some of your girls will vote for Catalina, right?

GIRL:

Um…I don’t know any of her platforms.

KAILEE:

But you’re going to give them a chance and not just vote for Robert because you want to sleep with him?

GIRL;

Um, can you not slut-shame me?

KAILEE:

Yeah, if you don’t intellectually shame Catalina. 

TEACHER 

Guys! This is class, not the feminist philosophy club! 

[after class, kailee pulls Catalina aside]

KAILES

Wait, so why are you doing this, exactly?

CATALINA 

I don’t know! It’s a chance to have his full attention! I couldn’t resist!

KAILEE

Don’t you think it’s kind of strange how you want his attention and then when you get his attention, you just argue?

CATALINA

We’ve been over this. It’s a biological craving I can’t control.

KAILEE

And you don’t think asking him out would be a little easier than running against him? 

CATALINA 

At this point, if I ask him out he’s gonna think I’m pulling a prank. This is the closest I’ll ever get to feeling like his girlfriend, even if it’s just for 40 minutes. But we have to make sure he doesn’t find out, because then he’ll say I was deceitful for the past three years, and he’ll want to talk to me even less. So, can you keep my secret? 

KAILEE

I can keep it. But how can you win when all those girls are voting for him?

CATALINA

[burst face in her hands]

I guess I’ll have to do some research.

Act II

Guy stands outside chanting:

Vote for Robert! He’s going to make actual changes! Vote for the candidate who’s not just running to antagonize someone else!

KAILEE:

[passing by]

Catalina is an equal opponent as Robert, not antagonizing him.

GUY:

Umm, did she suddenly stop hating him? I don’t think so.

KAILEE:

She doesn’t hate him, actually. She just doesn’t hang on to his every world, like most of the other girls. Why do guys see that as hatred? 

[robert walks by]

GUY:

Hey Robert, Kailee just told me Catalina doesn’t hate you.

ROBERT:

I’m pretty sure she does, but okay. She can say she doesn’t if she’s that determined to sound precessional. 

[Catalina walks by{

Rober:

Hey Catalina, nice of you to tell Kailee to perturbed you don’t hate me. That’s a sudden change of heart, isn’t it?

CATALINA;

Ummmm, you thought I hated you?

ROBERT;

I have a brain, miss.

CATALINA:

Why would you care if I did hate you? I thought all you cared about was arguing that George Bush wasn’t that bad.

ROBERT:

Um…okay. And you want me to believe you’re not just running out of hatred for me. Okay.

CATALINA:

Look at him, making it all about personal feelings. I’m the one with actual political knowledge. 

ROBERT:

Okay. I can’t deny you have political knowledge. But how are you going to make it appeal to high-schoolers?

CATALINA:

Just because you have groupies and I don’t doesn’t mean I can’t appeal to any high-schoolers. 

ROBERT:

Groupies? That seems like kind of a strange word choice.

• CATALINA:

What else do you want me to call them? “Girls equally appealed and appealing to you”?

GUY:

Woah there, Catalina, are you jealous?

CATALINA:

Yeah. Like I’d be jealous of girls who spend their high school education agreeing with everything a guy says just because he’s a guy. Totally.

ROBERT:

Ummm, why do you care? You’re offended that there’s girls who don’t make it their life mission to argue with me? Why do you care?

CATALINA:

I have to get ready for class. I actually come to school to learn.

ROBERT

[turns to his friend]:

Seriously, why does she care? 

Cut to Catalina and Kailee in the girls’ room.

Catalina:

Kailee, are you okay?? You look miserable.

Kailee:

Um, remember what I told you about my mom not listening to me and stuff? 

CATALINA:

Yeah? 

KAILEE:

I don’t know, this week I just started feeling really depressed about it. Like I’m not sure I want to go on.

CATALINA

What are you saying, Kailee? You have to go on! Have you talked to the student counselor? 

KAILEE

Yeah…but she was just like….”try eating more vegetables!”

CATALINA 

That’s terrible! I need to make better student counselors a Part of my platform! 

KAILEE

Catalina…are you listening to me?

CARALINA

I just listened, didn’t I? I need to go find a strategy for change. 

Cut to Robert looking at a new poster in the hallway. 

ROBERT

Jesus, she really went there. 

FRIEND

Let’s call a pool! Hey ma’am, if the election was today , who would you vote for?

GIRL

Catalina, of course!

FRIEND

OH god. Everyone of the election was today, who would you vote for?

Few minutes pass by.

FRIEND

Oh boy. Like 70% said Catalina.

Robert 

Okay bro, you don’t have to worry so much. 

FRIEND

I thought you wanted to win!

ROBER

I mean, yeah, but it’s not like the apocalypse of Catalina wins. She’s working just as hard as I am. She’s not like cheating or anything.

FRIEND 

You’re letting your biggest enemy win? 

RIBERT

She’s not my biggest enemy. We just don’t get along all the time. Actually, I admire the way she uses her brain, unlike most other kids.

FRIEND

Robert! Are you trying to tell me you like Catalina?

ROBERT

No! I was making an objective statement. Romance has nothing to do with the election.

FRIEND

But you do like her, don’t you? Why didn’t I realize sooner?

ROBERT

I do not! She’s just a respectable opponent, nothing else! And now I have to go to class and listen to her yell in my face, so goodbye!

Cut to Catalina and Kailee walking down the hallway.

KAILEE 

I assume you heard someone did a pool and 70% said they’re going to vote for you?

CATALINA 

Yeah, I heard. But it’s just a popularity contest, so who cares? It doesn’t define my worth.

KAILEE 

But don’t you want to win? So it doesn’t look like you like Robert? 

CARALINA

Winning the polls doesn’t mean anything. I need to find a big final campaign strategy. 

Popular girl walks by.

POPULAR GIRL

Dear little Catalina, you realize Robert’s letting you win on purpose, right?

CATALINE

No, he’s not. Wait, what? Why would he let me win on purpose?

Girl snickers and walks away. 

CATALINA

WHy would he let me win on purpose?

Other girl walks by.

GIRL

Catalina, Robert might be letting you win right now, but to actually wind you’re probably going to have to act more like a high schooler.

Girl walks away.

CATALINA

[u see her breath]

Oh my god! She’s so right!

Camera turn to homecoming advertisements on wall.

Cut to homecoming. 

Catalina walks in a slinky black dress and high heels. Although alone, she instantly catches the eye of some boy. 

Boy

Aren’t you the one running for student president?

CATALINA

I am. 

BOY

I never took you for much of a homecoming type. 

Catalina shrugs. The song “Tim McGraw@ starts playing. They dance close together, chatting and smiling the whole time. At the end of the night, Catalina grabs the boy and kisses him, then looks across the room to see Robert’s reaction. He’s just watching curiously.

Cut to her walking out to her car.

Robert appears behind her. 

ROBERT 

Why did you keep staring at me while you were kissing that stranger? Did you want me to lecture you about respecting your body or something? 

CATALINA

Yeah, that’s exactly what I wanted. Every 17-year-old girl’s dream. 

ROBERT

I don’t get what’s happening between us.

CATALINA

What do you mean? We’re running against each other. That’s literally it.

ROBERT

Well, I thought that was it, but it’s not. You seem to want me to be bossy and antagonistic with you, when that’s not the way I feel. It never has been. 

Catalina

Okaay. So this election is the only time we’ll ever talk to each other. Got it.

ROBERT 

No! We’re friends. I mean, we were friends until you started this contimpituin. 

CATALINA 

Ummm, when we were ever friends? At the beginning of high school, you mean?

ROBERT

no. I thought we were still friends, until you ran against me. I guess it was foolish of me. 

CATALINA

Well, I haven’t said we can’t still be friends, if that’s what you want….

ROBERT 

No. It’s fine. Clearly you don’t want to be friends. It’s your right. 

He walks down the street. 

Cut to school the next day.

Catalina sees new sign next to her locker. It says “I totally ship Catalina and Robert. Let’s make it a tie, so they have to be co-presidents, and then they’ll fall in love. They would make the cutest pier couple ever.”

Catalina states at the sign, turning bright red.

Cut to assembly. 

PRINCIPAL:

Student elections begin today! 

Shows blur of election ballets

suddenly, Catalina realizes Kailee isn’t there. She calls her and gets no answer, so she calls her mom.

KAILEE’S MOM

Honey, I’m afraid Kailee’s in a mental hospital. She kept talking about suicide. I couldn’t let her go to school.

CATALINA

Why didn’t she tell me?!?!

KAILEE’S MOM

Well, I think she felt like you wouldn’t listen. She said you’ve been really caught up in this election thing and pushing her aside.

Catalina

Oh no oh shit oh no shit shit shit

She walks up to the microphone.

CATALINA

I have decided to resign from this election. I have a friend in crisis, and the benefits of being there for her far outweighs the benefits of being student president. Robert, I trust you to do an adequate job. You are officially declared winner.

SOmeone snickers

RANDOM KID

Is it actually because you like Robert? Was this all to get his attention?

ROBERT

No! She just said her friend’s going through a crisis! Stop making it about me! 

He nervously checks her reaction. They both turn bright red. 

After school, Catalina gets in her car, not looking at anyone. She is anxious to visit Kailee as soon as she can.

Cur to next day.

RANDOM BOY

Catalina, can you be the First Lady of our school if Robert’s president?

CATALINA

Can you just let it go already?

RANDom BOY

Ohhh, Robert, did you hear that? She’s such a heartbreaker, isn’t she?

ROBERT 

[deep breaths]

I’m not sure if Catalina and I can vet work out as a couple. But, the way you find things out is by trying, right? Catalina. Will you go to the winter dance with me?

CATALINA

[gushes]

Yes. 

They grab hands, interlacing their fingers.

CUT To winter dance. “Anyone else but you” by the moldy peaches is playing. Robert twirls CATALINE around. 

Some girl walks by.

GIRl

You ran for President just to beat him, and it turns out like this?

CATALINA

Well, I used a better strategy than you’ve used, didn’t I?